Friday, December 7, 2012


My blood work yesterday was questionable enough that I have to take a more unpleasant test on Dec. 21st to determine whether my cancer has or hasn't come back.  I've been so Good, so far as diet is concerned that I lost ten pounds in a month, Never happened before. 

Meanwhile, am trying to go on as normally as possible.  Last year I was so depressed, (first Christmas without Ann) I drank too much and lost some time while hanging around the house.  Scared myself and stopped that shit.

Last night I was very sad not to have
Ann here, but enjoyed putting up the artificial tree.  Ann got me some carved wooden ornaments which truly look like animals I will never have the chance to touch, a penguin, a bear, a seal, a wolf, etc.  I thought of her and missed her as I put them up.  But they reminded me of the love she showed me in getting something I could enjoy touching.  Ann Loved shinny things!  So her favorites were fragile glass ornaments which made the lights sparkle.  After she died I sent all but three of those back to her family.  I was always terrified to touch them, both from experiences of past Christmas's at home, and because she loved them and some had come from her grandmother.  Ann's sister has a grandson, so it's better that family possessions stay in their family, to continue being passed down.

I have an odd Christmas tree.  It's like me, a mix.  It has Native made bead work, Buddhist prayer flags, (small paper ones) woven wicker and wooden ornaments, shells, and representavies (either painted brightly or just carved) of most kinds of creatures on Earth.  There's a little cherry wood Quan Yin carrying a baby and trabeling against the wind, from the way her cape and robes are ruffled.  If people want to call her Mother Mary, neither she nor I will care.  There's a leather camel a friend visiting Morocco brought back for me, so I could learn how a camel is packed and ridden, (this one has two bags and a saddle) a ceramic bamboo tray which was Ann's and which I always loved to touch, and an angel from a business called Sandys, which is no longer in business.  She is a gorgeous Kwaanza angel, and I picked her for her face.  Ann says it looks like she is annoyed, pouting, or at least serious.  I Like a ticked off angel,  there is certainly enough going on in the world to annoy Anyone!  The tree has no top ornament.  Up there is the Sky, the Mystery, so I'm not willing to define it or pretend I know what it is.  Buddhas don't tend to claim to be the best, have the only right way, I've never heard such things.  So a Buddhist symbol doesn't belong at the top either.  Wish I could send pics. of the tree.  Near the top is a wheat weaving, (a folk art) with two bird feathers above it.  I kept two bell ornaments of Ann's, an ice cicle which shines made of plastic, and four cut out metal ornaments, (like philagree only less detailed and sorry about my spelling) three snow flakes and a bell.  Because we valued them, I put each of our Obama for President buttons on the tree also.

I enjoyed putting it all together.  Stayed up until after midnight to get it done.  I did include a Japanese Buddhist mala (rosary) with nice black long tassles and a bead which, when looked through in a certain way, shows a tiny Buddha figure inside.

May everyone of you, of all beliefs or none, have a safe, warm, enjoyable holiday season!  Thank each of you for reading!

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