Saturday, October 12, 2013

Child Abuse and Slavery

Child Abuse and Slavery

Obviously this writing may be upsetting and should Not be read by those who might be triggered by it.  At the same time, I Want Someone to Know!

Today I felt angry and sick.  This morning on the news there was a brief mention of the fact that a football player's son was murdered by child abuse.  The broadcaster said the boyfriend of the football player's ex-partner had done the killing and that four children per day die from abuse.  Die from it, NOT, are Murdered by it.

Then the broadcaster stated that it was hard to know what to say and he and a sports commentator talked about the player's great careeer and ended up laughing.

So Why didn't the broadcaster Think of something relevant to say?  Too much Work, Too much Feeling, or would it make unpopular news?  He found Plenty to say when the bombings of the World Trade Center, The Pentagon, and the attempted bombing of the White House happened in Sept. 2001.  For days and nights he was on the air.

Many thousands of people were killed at once, but if terrorists systematically killed four Americans per day, wouldn't it be big news?  No, sick people, DON'T!

My general rule of thumb is "Never think about the far past, it helps no one."

Today my sister came over and it seems things have been coming unbidden into her mind lately.  She too, knows not to go looking for them.

You have to understand, my sister, like me, never cries where anyone can see.  We both got that knocked out of us pretty early.

But one of the things which has come to her unbidden is that my mother  chose, ( partly as a decision to please her husband) to take in foster kids. The things which enrage both of us most aren't those which happened to us, they are the things which we saw and heard being done to others and were too afraid or unable to stop.

My sister was younger than ten.  Two of the foster kids were ciblings, a toddler and an infant.  They both had scars from cigarette burns and whippings with coat hangers all over their bodies, Before they came to our home.  The infant couldn't stop crying. My sister remembers mother picking up the baby from the back and shaking it so hard that its head, arms, and legs, flopped like a rag doll.  She began to cry as she told me and said there were some things she just couldn't forgive.  She asked if I'd ever heard of "shaken baby syndrome.  I know someone who is blind from it.

I just put my hands over my face, picturing that tortured child being shaken, to death?  Did the baby live?  And I tried not to vomit.

Unfortunately, this brought back less toxic memories and memory bits for me.  Teetthing on an electrical cord and being told to stop.  When I did it again, it felt so Good against my sore gums at five or six when baby teeth were falling out, nothing was done.  When I got shocked mother laughed, reminding me that she had told me to stop.

What is the difference between abuse and slavery?  Slavery is the systematic violation of an entire Group of people by another Group with more power, and often more wealth.

Abuse is slavery on a tiny, never ending, scale.  I was forced to peal   the dead skin from mother's feet, to message her greasy neck, and to be used sexually by her.  My sister was forced to brush her greasy hair and pick up her snotty clean X's.  We both got more than our share of child care duties,  especially my older sister.  My sister said their was one thing mother had done to me which she couldn't forgive.  I didn't ask, so she didn't say.

We were her body servants as well as striking posts, and the stories could go on forever.

I keep wondering if that baby died and it was covered up or if subsequent brain damage was attributed to its First parents.  But I didn't know what might be triggered in my sister if I asked.  Would it send her into a mental tail spin down into hell?    I didn't ask.  Should I?  Would it help or harm her to remember?

There is no way I could begin to tell all I Do remember in less than a book.  And doubtless, no one would know what to say.  So what's the F---ing point?

I know it's worse for others who've seen fellow children murdered.  What should we do, can we do, to help ourselves with no money for shrinks and almost no shrinks who "know what to say" let alone DO around us?

I remember the time Ann came to me whimpering in a child's voice, asking if a relative had tried to kill her sister.  All I could do was hug her, since she felt safe letting me do so, and encourage her to tell me what she meant.

Even though I wasn't quite sure "what to say" I do know one thing.  If those of us treated in such a fashion all came from one color or socio-economic group we would be called "slaves" Not "abused children."  

By saying this I do not mean to discount the systematic separation of families, destruction of love relationships, rape, and other constant violence against slave populations.  I'm just Sick of being alone with it today, that's all.

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