Each day I have been listening to the last two chapters of Toni Morrison's book "Home". It's not because they are free of horror and brutality. It Is because they encourage me to remember who I really am and why I'm here on Earth until my time is up, whenever that may be.
Now is a time for treating both others and myself well, as it should always be. But sometimes this is not easy to maintain. While eating a more boring diet and with the reminder of my own mortality, I'm doing more of what I want and also trying to be more open handed with others. I am giving away more and have also indulged in some DOLLS.
Do I Need them, no. Will I have Fun with them, Yes! Having been a "True Hope" person, I have ordered a "True Hope" doll. She is a Moxie Girl, probably with a head larger than I like. But by the time I get finished with her, that girl's gona look Good! I'll have to meet her to find out. Would she like a spiral (an old Life symbol of continuation as energy or matter) painted on her head? She won't sweat the paint off, like I would have. Or would she like a flashy head cover or a wig? Probably Not a wig, unless it's an outrageous color and matches something bright in her outfit.
I also ordered a Best Friends Club 18 inch Calista doll, because I have wanted to for about 8 months. And I ordered some cheap, (by "Joe" standards) G.I. Joe's. Hope I can take off their clothes, (who said that?) so I can give them each a civilian outfit and a military one. The sighted person I had look at them needs glasses and couldn't tell their hair color. HOPE all of them aren't Blonde!
I am Determined to bring down the utility bill which is taking all of my money. So I run the infrared heater from the bird room 24 7, with a baby gate extended to the fullest and stood on one end in that doorway. This gives a lonely canary access to household activity, and shares the heat with the center of the house. I drink hot things, (back on green tea, ginger, black pepper in food combined with fat from olive oil or ghe, and turmeric, all the old standbys. Sorry about spelling, but Blogger doesn't have an accessible spellcheck.
I eat hot soup, take the hottest shower I can stand before diving under covers, (hot water runs out fast though) and wear heavy clothes. So far it's not comfortable but is fine. I can layer up. Will call today to see what last months bill is. Also, eating only what is in chest freezer, garden produce, deer, and veggies. from farmer's market which Ann and I, then just I put up. Not even allowed organic fruit or sweet veggies., like sweet peas, corn, beans, sweet potatoes, Winter squash, pumpkin. Got to knock this high cancer marker score down fast, so I can have a Life again! And No More Tests to find cancer which make me ill, just by themselves.
My hands and feet are hardest to keep warm, have a bit of frost bite damage in them. I wear men's heavy socks, but hands, they are my eyes. Can't cover them and work. So make that dishwater Hot! And hold hands under warm laundry water, and cuddle hands around, (damn,) just hot mug of green tea, Again!
But I'm ok. Bought a heating pad which helps at night. Cat is too well fed to bother jumping over four and a half foot sideways baby gate. He's part Russian Blue and growing a wolly coat. Dog is old and camps on my bed a lot. I cover him with a robe, which he sometimes accepts. And I make the warm water on his dry food truly warm. It's not fun, but a challenge to adapt. And fun or not, challenges keep our minds Awake!
For the moment I try not to waste time on, "Will I accept surgery and chemo. or not?" You really never know until you're there. So for now, be creative and as giving as possible, enjoy life, what else is there?