I was right. Slow down, stop beins so busy, and the Pain hits.
Most people know how when you are in pain every little thing which otherwise would be a frustration or annoyance feels big? Well I have started slowing down and that's the way it feels.
Only twice in my life, both times since Ann's death have I made coffee without a pot. Fill the filter with grounds, fill the pot with water, put filter in place, pour in water, turn on machine, oops, no pot to catch the coffee. It makes a truly Wonderful mess! Then come home from a good time with family to change the catbox, disgusting enough, but the litter spills. Not the clean litter either!
Hear from a close friend that a dog who pulled her out of a terrible depression when she became disabled and lost the life's work she loved, this dog has cancer for the second time, probably not much to do.
Have your young visitor of a few days ago call sobbing because the family's dog, whom they all adored has died.
Wash dishes and hear an amazing shatter from the coffee pot, yep, dish drainer must be for those who use a dish Washer and only need the drainer for a couple of pans. The pot has taken its last dive. Swear! Carefully clean up gLots of little glass shards.
All of these things together plus cat cragging out towel sopping up toilet leak and doing extra laundry from this, scrubbing up coffee spills and catlitter spill, enough!
It would be enough to dampen anyone's enthusiasm for the weekend, but it's really about Ann.
I didn't do Anything Friday afternoon or night and That's when it hit. I stopped caring what happened to Any character in Any book or TV show. I Just wanted to sleep. And my depression hasn't let up since.
Nothing I know to do about it but keep breathing deeply and Live with it. The only constant I know is change, so someday it ought to lift. Sticking my head in the sand (sleeping, drinking, etc.) will only Postpone this. A friend told me to think of it as waves rolling over and just let them roll. That wasn't too bad, back when it didn't feel like the whole damned ocean was sitting on my head and chest.