It's Saturday night, I can get our blues program on the radio. But of course it's not Our blues show anymore. Nothing is Ours anymore. I tried listening to the show alone and was Amazed at how Boring it was.
It took me a couple of minutes to figure out Why I was so bored. When We listened to it together we played instruments, clapped and created rythms with our hands, or sang along. But the Biggest difference was that during songs or performances neither of us liked, we turned down the radio and Talked. Then when we heard something more interesting, up went the radio and we enjoyed the music.
I remember that two or three weeks after my partner's death people I was close to started slipping in hints about "moving on with your life." I stopped mentioning the situation to them but occasionally they still say this. When they first started I didn't even know for sure Why my partner had died.
This means that people are still in shock during funerals, numbed out with all of the work which must be done. And what the blazes did my friends think I Was doing, anyway, if not "Moving on?""
In Feb. I was contacting everyone who needed contacting. March was for planning the Memorial get together at our rented house, no bucks to rent anywhere else. This meant setting up visual displays, working with my partner's sister on printing up signs for the displays and a program to let people know th order of the formal part of our get together, asking for help with food, inviting people, finding people to do readings, choosing the music,asking a friend to be Parking Director, all of it! We strung up Christmas lights around the display shelves of some of my partner's favorite things, my sister and her family brought folding chairs from their Church, another sister brought two kinds of cookies and the third videotaped the gathering for my partner's family in Indiana. Her family sent Lovely flowers! Major Work!
April was the month of paper work (I don't read print and there were Massive amounts of it) what to save, what to send to my partner's family, (pictures) what to shred, and donations. Used clothing, used dishes which didn't all match, used orthepedic shoes, used colored pencils, water color paints, crayons, they All had to go somewhere
May I packed. I packed or distributed all of the used belongings (they were All used) of a 7 room and 2 bathroom house. Return the adaptive devices given by the Independent Living Center which were still in good shape To them, to be redistributed to Other low-income people with disabilities. I had help packing a few boxes, three or four, but I packed the rest.
June was finishing up packing, donating anything overlooked, and cleaning the house. I would Never have had a fine Memorial Get Together Or had the boxes to be moved marked in Print, Or gotten the house looking good, without the help of a Wonderful and kind heaalthcare aide!
June was moving and trying to learn my way around a new house and yard, coping with the dog being sick, blogging for sanity, (and posting After internet was restored) and beginning to Unpack.
If that's not moving on, what the hell Is it?
I was introduced to some neighbors by my sister, but after that they haven't spoken, no surprise. But I am Very happy that the people I made friends with at Sangha and my former neighbors to whom my partner introduced me, ARE Still Friends! And I am Extremely Thankful to have the help of the Excelent healthcare aide in Unpacking!
It is good to see some of my Braille books back up on shelves, they are old and valued friends. But it sure is Exhausting to haul them around from one room to another! Braille is Bulky and Heavy. The only things heavier by size are books in large print.
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