Friday, July 1, 2011

The Move

Monday,June20, Post

I wrote a long blog about several things on the night before I moved, Fri. the 17th. But it was lost. From now on, I will type in my word processing program and cut and paste the posts, once I get internet service on Friday, the 25th. Correction: I got internet service July 1, also a Friday, in the afternoon.

Too Bad this idea of Cut and Paste hadn't occurred to me earlier. Part of the frustration expressed in the last blog was seeing So many misspellings and mistakes in my posts, Because doesn't seem to work well with screen readers, (talking computers). I cannot Edit my posts, nor can I corredt mistakes in them while in the "New Post" spot at Blogger. I wonder if this is My lack of tech. savvy, or it meets ADA (Americans with Disability Act requirements or recommendations for websites. I don't know. The name Newby is appropriate for me.

The Move

One thing I've learned is that very Good feeling things can happen at the same time as very Painful feeling ones. People always seem to try to break an experience down, make it simple, but often this is not accurate.

Good feeling things: a lot of people came to help, more than I had ever expected! I am very Grateful to them. Because so many people helped, the move was accomplished in about 4 and a half hours, including some cleaning of the house my partner and I formerly shared! Again, I didn't expect this and am Thankful! Two of the women who came helped me arrange furniture in the way I had hoped to arrange it, cool.

Painful things: I had to take my partner's and my dog with me, as he was adopted from a "no kill" shelter and his biggest fear is of being abandoned. We went back to the old house and he Freaked! He went racing through the rooms and when he found my partner's couch, he leapt on it, burying his head in it. I felt like doing the Very same Thing. I remember when we rented that place, how delighted my partner was and how we both loved living there. Together we planted fruit trees, cooking and medicinal herbs, (comfrey, lemon balm, etc.) It will all probably be mowed off, like the blueberries, if I can't rescue some of it by the 30th of the month.

Then I couldn't find the Buddhist Prayer flags we put up on the wheelchair ramp. They were old and faded and had been thrown in the dumpster, without anybody mentioning it to me. One of the people who had been at the old house knew they were a religious item, but maybe that person didn't see it happen.

Probably someone thought they were doing me a favor, but it would never Occur to me to say, "Oh that picture of Jesus in the window is old and faded and these people smoke anyway, so it's grimy, I'm pitching that." But something like that happened to me, and if it matters, I don't smoke.

When you live in South Missouri there are just many hurtful things you have to get used to. What was I supposed to do, become angry with the people who so generously volunteered their time and gas to help me move?

I dug Out the prayer flags from the dumpster, (with a friend's help,) brought them here, and will wash them out. They will still be faded, but not grubby.

The purpose of a prayer flag is to share blessings with the whole neighborhood in which they hang. As they ravel out in the wind and bleach in the sun and are soaked by differing forms of water, (snow, rain, etc.) the understanding is that the prayers made as each flag is made, and those said as they are hung leave the flag and travel on the wind and light and water to those in the area who need the blessing each set of flags represents. I am sure the people who threw them away didn't know this.

This doesn't fit with the dominant culture's notion of Everything having to look new and pristine, of Nothing wearing out in public, including people.

In the front of our former home my partner had chosen Medicine Buddha flags, to wish and share good health for all in our area. In the back of the house we chose our Teacher, the female Buddha White Tara. These flags were to help us and others learn the lessons we humans all need to learn. The Buddhas Don't run over people by doing anything Against a person's will. So while the flags are symbols of protection for the household displaying them, they are also a wish to share happiness and wisdom, so far as each person wants it, with all neighbors.

The people who threw the Prayer Flags which my partner who died and I put up together did not know what they were throwing away. But to Not Even Ask, that felt like a terrible act of disrespect!

I couldn't find the blessing which hung on our front door, either on the door or in the trash, so all I can do is hope it turns up in some box!

I want to get back to the old house and check the currant bush, dig up the comfrey, lemon balm, and get the White Tara Flags down from the back steps before something happens to All of Them, I may be too late.

I was very upset at the dog's reaction, the fact that my partner's 28 year-old couch had been left behind, the dumping of prayer flags, and my own grief. The person who took me there just kept saying things like, didn't I feel lucky to have such a nice house and that the move was over? That person had helped with the move and understandably did not want to deal with anything else. Yes, I Do feel blessed to find what seems to be a good house which I can afford. And I Do feel thankful that the Huge Majority of the move is Over.

But I never wanted to Move in the First place, my partner of 19 years, and my friend of 30 years is dead, I can't pay the rent, I Had to move! And thing which had a history for us, the ancient couch, and the trashed prayer flags, and the mown down blueberries and compost tumbler and more, were all still There! But I just agreed with whatever was said, because I either wanted to be alone or be heard.

With so many people helping, there was no time to state clearly what should go and what should stay, or to explain Where certain pieces of furniture were meant to go. So I still have a lot of work to do, and don't know if I can find help for That.

My bedroom and a section of my work room are perfect, due to the intervention of the two women helpers, I thank them!

Before they left, the man among my Christian helpers wanted us all to gather in a circle and hold hands while he "prayed over me." Again, what could I say? He dedicated the whole house totally to Jesus. The main problem I have with Christianity is how Christians here never think they are tromping all over someone while they do it! I have no problem with anyone who, out of a wish to serve their Creator, or Prophet, or Jesus, gives acts of mercy and kindness to others. And that is most Definitely what the people who helped me move Did.

But it is also true that I was emotionally trampled by their assumptions. Would they have helped me if they had known I was not Christian? Could they have restrained themselves from evangelizing, could they have taken anything I had to say Seriously? I doubt it.

When you have a disability it is common, at least here, to find your wishes and beliefs stomped on by others, IF you Need or Want help! So, a choice must be made. Ignore One More Trampling, or Try to do what you know you Cannot do alone.

What ever happened to what the Dalai Lama refers to as "secular ethics"? This means calling the lonely because they Are lonely, feeding the hungry because they Are hungry, sharing cash and/or resources because you see the Need to do so, Without reference to the recipient's race, religion, sexual orientation, or any Other factor? Loving Kindness, as I understand the Buddha's teaching, is to be practiced for the development of good moral and mental habbits and Because it helps Eliminate Suffering, both for you and others! That is the agenda, all of it.

Of course, if an action Doesn't help eliminate suffering, (such as helping an alcoholic to drink) then the action is Not loving kindness. Such an action may be done out of ignorance (confusion) or for some other reason.

So moving day was both blessed and horrid, two opposites Can happen together. And they Did..

It's hard not to store up resentment when one feels frequently trampled upon. But I'm sure my anger and hurt will fade with time. They are tied up with Having to move due to my partner's death, this needs time to heal.

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