June 24 Post
It just turned midnight. I was so Frustrated at not having furniture containing my business supplies where I could Use it that I did a bit of solo furniture moving earlier. It was a good way to work off some anger and grief.
Every time I go back to our old rent house to clean or find something I need (like Dish soap) it's weird! I know my way around Instantly, know Every jog and turn, even outside, but it's not Home anymore.
Then I come back here and my mind confuses the patterns of the old place with This place, making it even Harder to find my way around! And I don't really feel like This is home Either! I make a familiar turn only to find myself in the wrong room, or against Another Pile of Boxes!
If I'm here for a day or two without going back to the old house then I begin to feel comfortable. But this going back and forth is Rotten, both for my sense of knowing where I am and for the emotions.
The big couch my partner had since the early 1980's is still holding up.
After cleaning their today I layed down on it alone, in that Big, Empty, house, big enough for a power wheelchair to turn around.
I was So tired I fell into this dozing state, not really awake or asleep. And I remembered the times we had sat together and talked on that couch, the times we had prayed for specific people together, while sitting there, where in the house we were when we prayed for others, and my partner yelling at me from that couch, I sat in a chair, learned Very early never to be within arm's reach of an angry person, couldn't ever Unlearn that one, even when I Knew no physical violence would be offered. Neither of us would put up with That! Been there, lived with it, done with it altogether!
And I started crying and asking questions, but then someone scared the bleep out of me, woke me up, pounding on the door. It was a lady who needed a bedframe and I don't. So we were scheduled to meet and this is Why I was waiting in the first place.
After getting the bed frame she drove me home. I'm not good at chirping cheerily at the best of times, and this Wasn't the best of times. I was civil, and more friendly by the time we'd been driving a couple of minutes, but that was all.
It was assumed by those who chose to make a gift of their time to move my stuff (and I'm Not being sarcastic, it was a Gift in time and gasoline.) that my new rent house is too small for that couch. But I remember when it was new and I was Horrified at the price my partner's spouse, (who has passed away) paid for it. But as it Has lasted 29 years and only needs a good vacuuming, it turns out he knew what he was doing.
So silly as it might seem, that couch has a lot of history and memories in it for me and I want it in my home. It traveled with my partner to three states and all around in S. Mo.
I did not know if anyone would help me move it or if I'd have to rent a U-Haul truck and hire a crew. But the man who took the bed frame to his co-worker's place said he'd come back for it.
So when I got home I moved a big supply chest to one room from another, put two book cases where the chest had been and Heaved a love seat which was heavy because it folds out into a single bed Out of the living room and Into my office. Then I moved two chairs, a foot stool, and repositioned an end table.
No shin-shaterers (coffee tables) in the middle of the floor for Me!
To move the love seat through the office door I had to try turning it upside down, (still too wide) then stand it on end, (Got it!). I myself Cannot Believe I Moved all this heavy stuff Alone!
So I immediately took a muscle relaxer and know that I will Surely feel like I lost a fight tomorrow, unless the Holy Beings helping me survive this move in a mostly sane manner were also loaning me some energy!
Yes, with the love seat I did scratch the office door paint, Wonderful! So, shall I try getting it repaired immediately at my expense? I decided that before I got done putting All of the furniture where I wanted it there might be more than One ding to the new paint, though I don't Want Any. So I had better just go ahead and get it all in place, Then do repairs. I'm fried, toast, (exhausted) outta here! Later.