Well, I guess these are the dulldrums of grief. Yesterday I could barely breathe, I hurt so bad. But today it is hard to care about much of anything, and thus to write anything interesting, but I'll try. These painful feelings began for moments at a time during the last few weeks of August, after I was mostly unpacked. But with Fall weather and October, I think they are here to stay for a while.

People seem to think I should be getting Better. Actually, I was so busy trying to survive, could I keep the pets? Find a place to live, set up a ride to go through the place with someone sighted, and tons more details, I didn't have Time to feel too much, except sporadically. Now I do.

I want to stay up all night, as an effort to put off tomorrow, even I think it's silly, but there it is.

Now to something which might interest you more. Does anyone else who has the time to sew covet fabrics? I was just checking out some "Fair Trade" fabric sites! That got me out of not caring enough to write this post. I've been trying to write Something all day, (in my head) with no results.

But Fair Trade" silk, where the weft (woven across threads) is a different color from the warp, (straight vertical threads) I Swear I have seen such colors before, because they still Live in my mind, and it Sure wasn't This time around that I saw them!

Peacock blue (teel-purple) mustard yellow which is almost a burnt orange, blue-black, yellow-gold, red-orange, coral pink, they call to me like an incredibly rich desert! And of course, since I can't afford enough fabric to Wear something made of it, I want to dress Dolls in it! That way I get to Touch and Handle, and Smell it! Sounds strange maybe, but ever since I met fabrics like brocade, silk, satin, and soft cotton with incredible prints, I have loved them!

How about the Urban Hipster African American Barbie Model of the Moment dressed in something sumptuous to set off her color? I have decided my doll of this type is from Senegal, does anyone else give their dolls countries?

I am ignorant of African fabrics, except for Egyptian cottons, I have a Wonderful purple head band with silver threads in it. So I don't know What Senegalese women wear that might call out to my mind and hands.

One thing I do like about some Muslim African women's chadors, they are Bright, pink with purple polka dots if she wants! I keep getting this feeling that at one time the chadors of Muslim women were just as much forms of self-expression (by choice of cloth, color, and cloth texture) as they were coverings. I have no proof of this, it just feels like at one time it was so in more than Africa, maybe in Iran, I don't know.

I am Not suggesting that Any woman should dress in a way she doesn't wish. But I have wondered about designing robes, and other flowing clothing designs for dolls, male and female.

I always want dolls with new faces, so I can learn more about faces. But I cannot justify the purchase of Any more dolls, until I get clothes made and an inventory of clothed dolls together to sell. So I haunt remnant tables, yard sales, look at torn clothing, etc. to look for cloth worth coveting. And I also buy scraps. It's funny the things which fascinate people, faces and sumptuous feeling cloth.

I was able to make up a new skirt pattern today and begin it, that was somthing worthwhile, anyway.

The sewing machine is great, but at the moment I'm out of talking labels for my "Pen Friend." I used them all on Beads! I ordered more and the company mailed me back to say they were "oversold" none available, but they took my money, Nice! I will have to E-mail and find out when more Will be available. I cannot label colors of Thread! That clear stuff is better than nothing, (Who ever heard of Dark Clear and Light Clear? I thought Clear was Clear, like a glass void of color, or fishing line. Oh Well.

So I have to get set up with cloth, thread, and beads which look good against the cloth, Before the weekend starts, so I will have work to do that I Care about doing. And I have to keep All of these items for a specific project corraled together in One place, so the cat doesn't raid them and they won't get lost.

Has anyone ever tried to use that allegedly "clear" nylon thread on a sewing machine? It is so hard to make a knot in, or find the end of, without sight that I cannot Imagine using the stuff on a bobbin or threading a machine needle with a needle threader with it. Does anyone Use it on a machine? When I use it I sew by hand and knot it double. When I go back to cotton thread it is such a Relief!

Well, more than enough rambling for now.